Wow it's been a busy week...

Ian is one week old today and it's been quite the adventure already! It's been filled with highs and lows and I'm afraid most of the lows are self-inflicted and mainly caused by hormonal emotional up-heavals :( Those have not been fun to deal with!!!

So far Ian has cleared virtually all issues - he no longer has an IV in (which I'm sure his poor little feet appreciate!) and he has passed all other physical tests looking for any other possible defects (we are SO blessed there!). The only thing we are really waiting on is for him to learn how to really eat from a bottle. He needs to be able to feed himself in order for us to bring him home. I know this is no small thing, but I wish we could just continue his tube feedings from home... I just have to trust that the care he is receiving in NICU is what he needs right now, but it's getting harder and harder to leave without him everyday. I miss my little bug! One of the nurses actually seemed taken back a little that I was crying today when we went to see him... Hello?!?! How long have you been working in NICU? Don't you probably see this on a daily basis? Especially from no-longer-pregnant women that are dealing with hormonal mood swings? Yah, we don't particularly like this daytime nurse very much and didn't really care for her the last time we had to discuss anything with her last time either... I wish we could request a new nurse, but I don't think that would work :( The other nurses we've had have all been fabulous so I guess one out of the many isn't such a bad deal... We just have to know that if we have any real questions/concerns that we should NEVER discuss them with Audrey... Sorry Ian :(

He has been gaining weight finally rather than losing and he has started maintaining his own body temperature! This is one of the criteria he was supposed to meet so this is one more thing off the checklist :) Woo hoo!!! Way to go Ian :)

I'm still trying to pump as much as possible but it becomes awfully frustrating when I pump for a full 20 minutes and all I get is 1-2 tablespoons total - yes, that's both sides! Not exactly the volume I was hoping for... I'll probably only pump as long as he's in NICU since I know this will be helpful for him while he is trying to grow and gain strength, but once he's home with us, I don't foresee this continuing. I just don't have the energy or the mind set for it anymore... It's not enough volume for the effort being put out.

I've been starting some of the research on what Doug and I can do now with Ian to make sure we are facilitating proper development for our little guy. He will have special needs as far as his motor skills are concerned so we'll need to be aware of how best to develop those with him. It will also take him a little longer to pick things up depending on the severity of his challenges. We obviously won't really know how severe these are until he starts to get little older... We'll have to see what happens, but in the meantime, we're going to educate ourselves as much as possible. It's really hard to not be overwhelmed by all this information though. There are so many groups out there... I probably need to find some sort of support group or something that may help us figure out some of this information.

We also have the task of seeking employment opportunities. I'm not sure that I'm going to want to enroll Ian in daycare right now knowing of his special needs... We'll have to see what we will be able to do under the circumstances. Doug has already been told that he does not have guaranteed position for next year, and even if he does, things will be cut so he's looking at a definite pay cut due to budgeting... I still have a position to go back to, but I'm not sure that I really want to. My boss has said that I'm able to bring my child with me to work, but seriously, how feasible will that really be? And how much of a distraction would that create? Probably a pretty huge one I'm assuming... I think I need to find something elsewhere, and it's a little scary to take that leap of faith. Worse case scenario, I'll find something that is the opposite of Doug's schedule so at least one of us can always be with him. We'll have to see what happens but I know God will provide... So much easier said than done...

All in all though, things are going well! I am recovering from my cesarean and feeling less and less pain everyday. I keep praying that Ian will "click" on bottle feeding and that he will be able to be at home with us soon. We still have a few things we need to do around the house to make sure we are entirely ready for him, but some of that can happen over time. We certainly do not need to have a perfect house before he gets here... He won't be getting into anything anytime soon :)